I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
COCAINE IS GR8
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
