i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
