I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
