Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
