her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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