so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
