Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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