I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
