my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
