Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
