i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
