I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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