i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
