I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
