Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
