P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
