I just made out with a guy for $7.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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