I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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