yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
