maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
