ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
