i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
