based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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