Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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