my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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