Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
