you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
