I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dick very happy bro
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
