Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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