can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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