I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
