I will die if light touches me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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