she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
