just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
