Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
