I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
