I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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