woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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