me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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