lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize