$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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