Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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