i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
