Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
