Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
