I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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