He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
