I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
