She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dear god my vagina.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
