I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
