Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My dick has a subreddit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize