I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
