Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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