my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
