I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
