So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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