Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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