I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
