Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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