i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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