i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
