she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
