So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
