you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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