someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
