My liver just broke up with me...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
