Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
