And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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