Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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