Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
