so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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